the thoughts we think in the tanning bed

Maybe I am a complete weirdo (versus the slight weirdo I know I am) but I don’t understand how people say tanning in a tanning bed is “relaxing”. I’m never relaxed. I cannot for the life of me shut my head off for two seconds. So here are the thoughts I think while tanning and I hope i’m not the only one.

  1. wait did I lock the door?
  2. I wonder what i’d look like with skin cancer? (vividly picture something scary)
  3. will I get skin cancer when I have a family?
  4. why can’t white and fat be in like it used to
  5. yep my butt cheeks are burning, again
  6. this sounds like a rocket ship
  7. it’s so creaky! am I going to crack this thing?
  8. “bronzer” HAH WHAT A JOKE more like make-it-look-like-I-ate-Doritos-er

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